Smooth My Balls Exposed (Again) – Follow Up from the SEO-Wars

It is the day of our Lord (Buckethead) May 30th, 2021. And we find ourselves at war. Why? Why the fuck not. So, here’s an update from our “friends” at smoothmyballs. I’m really happy to say, we’ve made it, we are their archnemeses now. We are the one pube between testicles and arsehole even their trimmer cannot remove.

If you’re new to the whole situation and just wanna know what the fuck is going on, here’s some recommended reading:

We have a whole podcast episode dedicated to Smooth My Balls. Click the link or find How Do I Rob This? whereever you listen to podcasts and listen to episode #31. That’s number 31, not hashtag 31.

You can also read more about Smooth My Balls here: Previously on Smooth My Balls vs. How Do I Rob This?

So, without further ado, let’s dive right in, shall we?

Smoothmyballs on Instagram – Bots, Followers, and “Brand Ambassadors”

 

First things first: For a “brand” that has gathered 470k followers within a few weeks and only 12 posts, they had surprisingly little growth in the past month. And they even have three new posts. But, who are we to judge with our modest following over at @howdoirobthis on all socials *wink*

 

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Let’s take a closer look at one of their new posts:

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This is something that has always been the case, they just didn’t want it to go really public. But technically even last month, you could’ve simply gotten your affiliate code without going through the hassle of ordering their 70$ test kit.

But it’s not shared to over 400k people, it’s over 400k bots. But these AIs are getting better, so we probably shouldn’t be judgy. Sooner or later some of them will pass the Turing test and shave your balls or labia so smooth, you’ll see your own reflection in them.

Update JUNE 1st:

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They’ve actually lost followers and are now on 469k. Did people unfollow? Did their bots get reported, did they expire, are they preparing the robo apocalypse?

Smoothmyballs is Planting Trees, Because of Course They Are

 

But there’s more, they are now like every other dumb start up on this dying planet:

 

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They’re even planting trees now, are we all of a sudden anti-planet? Here’s the thing: If you buy their products at regular retail prices or buy from cheaper (and potentially better) competitors, even major brands like Philips or Manscaped or smaller brands like SmoothNutz or whatever no-name brand name you can find on Amazon, you’ll save money.

And that’s money you won’t feed those grifters. Money that you can then in turn use to plant trees yourselves. With https://onetreeplanted.org e.g. or any other charity, because – fun fact – companies don’t use these charities out of the goodness of their balls.

They are deductibles. So for every cheaply manufactured Chinese trimmer you buy via Smoothmyballs.com, they then get a tax deductible. If you however donate the money directly, YOU get the deductible. Win-Fucking-Win-Situation.

You find flexible tree donations right here (we’re not sponsored, but it’s the same charity SMB collaborates with): https://onetreeplanted.org/products/plant-trees?variant=31367539589182

Oh, and we checked.

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Because of course we checked. Initially we found it a bit suspicious that they didn’t tage OnePlantedTree, but at least their collaboration seems legit-ish.

 

Content Marketing and Warfare Below the Waistline

 

They’ve also stepped up their content marketing game, they really want to win out over us via search engine optimisation.

So, how does this work? If you type “smooth my balls” into google, you’ll find their site and a few reviews, videos, etc. Scroll a bit and you’ll find our podcast and a few scam alerts, but they have to bank on most people not scrolling that far.

But what if you do get suspicious and you want to know, if they are a scam? So you type something like “Smoothmyballs scam” into google, which they know, right? So, they are trying to position the word “scam” wherever they can in their content marketing.

It’s in their URLs:

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In their YouTube channel description:

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And now even in blogs that review their products:

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You can find this absolute banger on a website called geeksaroundglobe.com – it’s one of those websites with loads of clickbait, fringe right wing content your boomer uncle shares on WhatsApp, and purchased blog entries to optimise google content searches.

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This was cleary paid for content, probably done by a freelance copywriter on a crowdworking platform. Their 3D product mock up of the trimmer comes from a similar crowdworking platform, artstation.com

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Tracing the Untraceable: Who Are Luke durghouse and SmoothMyBalls Trimmer?

 

But here’s something new,  a contact and a company address. Let’s check who (or what)’s behind Luke durghouse.

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hmm… suspicious. Then again, that’s Ecosia, cause we’re so in love with planting fucking trees. Let’s see how the big G handles it:

 

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similarly just 1 result. Okay, but maybe there’s something at their company address to found, yeah? Let’s see who’s squatting at *checks notes* 8 ballhouse road, UK

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Okay, so the road is fake. On brand, but fake. There’s a few more content marketing attempts, all by one Mr. Smoothmyballs Trimmer. He must be busy as a b(all).

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He’s even taken the time to write a review about his own — well, purchased in China — product!

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SmoothMyBalls Trimmer, if that’s his real name, also has a profile on LinkedIn competitor XING. Under this name, I shit thee nay:

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Are SmoothMyBalls Located in India not Canada?

 

Did we screw up? Are Smoothmyballs located in India, after all? Chances are good, one of their videos on vimeo is narrated by a speaker with a strong accent… Even though it sounds like it’s narrated by Tommy Wiseau.

https://vimeo.com/user130751613

For comparison, here’s the cheap Morgan Freeman:

 

Now these two geniuses here who ordered the Turf Chopper 3.0 test kit for 70$ (again 8$ product) talk about the one negative and that’s the shipping time, perhaps indicating a delivery from India. Could still be that SmoothMyBalls are shipping from Canada and simply had to order new product from China. It’s hard to tell, but we’ll stay on it. 

 

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Mr SmoothMyBalls Trimmer – Brand Loyalty

 

But that’s all that XING would spit out, no further information on SmoothMyBalls Trimmer. If that’s his real name. Gotta commend him for his loyalty though, he’s been toiling away at SmoothMyBalls for more than 20 years now. Even though the company didn’t exist till November 2020. Marvellous.

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They’re also on TheDots, which looks like yet another LinkedIn. It’s fine, we’ve already got LinkedIn and that’s bad enough, isn’t it?

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There’s more fun content like this post on phenomenal. Which… cool. Most of the products don’t exist, but cool.

 

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They’re also on Reddit now, where we regularly harrass them.

 

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SmoothMyBalls on Twitter 

 

And stepped up their twitter game also with more than 400 followers now.

 

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The usual suspects though:

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So, mostly bots and podcasters that didn’t do their research properly. We’ll try and mess with them as much as possible on Twitter and maybe Instagram in the future, so if you see comments from us. A like or heart is much appreciated to boost our reach and ball punch them out of the water.

For the moment we’ve given up on reaching out to their brand ambassadors and affiliates, simply because they – for the most part – aren’t helpful. Either unwilling to talk or in denial about having been scammed out of too much money for cheaply manufactured products.

But we’re still open for input, if you have worked with them! Just get in touch.

 

Why Do We Bother with SmoothMyBalls at All? 

 

And that’s it for now. But you, dear reader, if you are still following this wild tantrum might be asking yourselves, why? Why, why, why go to all these lengths to get on the balls of an instagram scam only the dumb, the gullible, the self important fall for? Why on Gaia’s green earth?

Maybe it’s even you, Nick, reading this. Or Tom. Or SmoothMyBalls Trimmer or whoever you pretend to be today and maybe you’re wondering why two gentleman thieves on the far side of the world are giving you guys such a hard time.

Because we can. Because we don’t like scams, grifters or multilevel marketing schemes. Because they’re giving criminals the world over a bad name. And mostly (!) because they got in touch with us and they tried to mess with us. And honeys of Smooth My Balls! You don’t play a player!

 

With the ballsiest regards,

S+O

 

your champions and cojones of justice

 

Update – The Return of the Bot Network

June 10th and this is where we’re at: We were wondering, if maybe Smoothmyballs have changed their targeting practices. We were actually fairly certain they hadn’t, because our site is still getting a lot of hits, mostly from google traffic. So obviosly people are searching for smoothmyballs, but what is science without evidence? 

So we actually thought about reaching out and checking, if people were still being targeted by the bots on Instagram. Low and behold:

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Same message, same targeting practice. 0 followers, 0 following, 0 posts, good stuff. 

Update 22/06/21: Mr. Smoothmyballs Trimmer Is on WordPress!

 

Okay, so… YouTube, Reddit, Twitter, Botstagram… it’s just not enough, is it? It’s never enough. Now Smoothmyballs have a blog. The world’s most generic and random blog and they didn’t even bother paying for the bloody wordpress domain or the premium package.

So this is the domain:

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THIS?! Holy ballz! And this is what the smoothmyballs blog on wordpress looks like:

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You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunesStitcherSpotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

Smooth My Balls – Uncovering a Scam

Research and Resources

__How Do I Rob This_30_Smooth My Balls Brand_LOGO

You can listen to episode 31 of our podcast on pretty much all platforms, if you want to find out more about @Smoothmyballs, their “company”, their MO, and their affiliate model. In the meantime, we can also provide you with some evidence to uncover why we come to the conclusion that Smooth My Balls is a scam, and how you could identify them and other similarly dodgy business models.

 

SmoothMyBalls Messages on Instagram – Is This a Scam?

 

On April 25th we received the following message:

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I didn’t look into the account at this point and thought it was just some generic affiliate rubbish. Promote a product you’ve never tested, offer a code, etc. –  fine, whatever. But the brand sounds funny, we love things that sound funny. So why not hit them up. I sent them a message and this was the reply I got:

IMG_2058IMG_2059

I merely skimmed it and only later clicked on the link to find out… well, it’s not actually free, is it? We’d have to purchase the discounted kit first. And paying anything to be part of a programme… well, that’s multi level marketing scheme material right there. Don’t worry, if you’ve received the same or a very similar message. We’ve checked and double-checked and triple-checked. There’s no Dana, only copy-paste. So, why bother? Why engage with them, at all? Because we steal from people that deserve to be stolen from. Everything looks professional enough… at first glance, so let’s start with their socials. 12 posts on Instagram and… 470k followers? Whoa! Big brand right there.

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Let’s check their facebook and twitter next:

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Those numbers aren’t quite as impressive, but I guess SmoothMyBalls didn’t have the money to buy bots across platforms. Their twitter even uses their old logo. Alas, bots these days… Interestingly, they only liked one tweet:

Screenshot 2021-05-03 at 20.30.19.png

Good stuff. Seems that Smooth My Balls really focuses on the far right testicle. But people have brand ambassadored for them, right? And they’re waving around a product. The Turf Chopper 3.0 – wait, that also sounds familiar…

 

SmoothMyBalls – Looking Like a Proper Brand with Alibaba Products

 

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But that’s not fair! There’s only so many ball-lawn-jokes one can make. Granted, so let’s take a look at what they’re sending out and asking podcasters to pay for in return for a “free” review kit:

Screenshot 2021-05-07 at 12.13.25.pngScreenshot 2021-05-07 at 12.13.21.png

*the price went up since last I checked. It used to be in line with Manscaped. But okay, fine. This is supposedly the best product on the market, that you can get nowhere else in the world, right? Let’s do some product research and…

Screenshot 2021-05-07 at 12.15.36.png

Hey, this looks familiar! And it’s much cheaper.

Sidenote: no disrespect for the product, but if you want it, buy it from Guangzhou Aimei Intelligent Technology directly. You can order just one for only 8 USD, that’s more than 90% discount and you don’t even have to worry about a discount code.

Funny story: Alibaba also let’s you see where companies ship their goods to. This’ll be important later. Screenshot 2021-04-29 at 16.47.39.png

The SmoothMyBalls Male Grooming Kit – Generic Products Rebranded

 

But surely their other products are legit, right? We have the 25 USD HEDGE CLIPPERS

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aka a 7pcs manicure set you can get on Amazon:

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They even ship them in different colours! Red looks much better tbh. But what about the PUBE MUNCHER?

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Incredible deal at only 55 USD, you’d normally have to pay 18.99 EUR for the same product without the Feed Me Pubes-sticker. Which some call a bonus.

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They’re even cheaper in blue. The resemblance is uncanny… that must be some pricy sticker…

 

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Other SmoothMyBalls Products – Suspiciously Sold Out

 

None of their other products exist. They’re 3D mock ups only. So no ball balm for you!

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UPDATE: I wanna talk about one other product that doesn’t exist, the SACKMAT. Which is a yoga mat with a misaligned print. So, good stuff.

sackmat_2048x.png

 

All those products are always suspiciously SOLD OUT, so fair to assume there never even was a Ball Freshener! Even the scammer’s dog is ashamed:

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Alright, fine. They’re overcharging and they’re asking podcasters to review their products. They even give away a PS5 in a giveaway that has no terms and conditions via a website that has no company address and was set up via shopify. 

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Targeting the SmoothMyBalls Scam Where It Hurts (the Balls)

 

But that’s it, right? We’ve dismantled them, shown they’re a scam, this is surely where we stop. Right? They sent us a friendly reminder that they can’t keep the ReservedKit021 that leads to a generic affiliate site (https://www.smoothmyballs.com/pages/review) reserved for much longer… the pressure was on!

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Naturally I tried to get them on the show. It looked promising for a while.

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That’s where my love affair with “Nick” ended. Poor Nick, I’ll miss you and there’s always a special place for you in my balls. Nothing to do but browse their website, I guess…

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A Closer Look at SmoothMyBalls “Real” Reviews from “Real” Customers

 

Okay, typically for scammers: everything looks good at first glance, but take a closer look and the peices fall apart. I mean peaces. Pisces! PIECES! But they’ve had real customers like:

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Tom Mulligian! Who purchased the SMB products before their website went live.

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If only all of us had this much foresight in our crown jewels. Let’s get in touch with @ItsMuli123

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Oh no! The wild west cowboy shaved his balls so hard, he trimmed himself out of existence. Same story with these other geniuses. Also, I’m fairly certain the fake surname is Mulligan, not Mulligian or Mullgian. Please respect their centuries old fake family history.

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Comparing the Turf Chopper 3.0 to the Alibaba Male Grooming Trimmer – They Didn’t Even Change the Packaging

 

Let’s give their product a closer look on Alibaba:

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and compare it to an instagram post:

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They didn’t even change the packaging and their logo only appears to be on the mock up. Good stuff. Who in their right mind would host this website?

 

Investigating the Hosts and Registrars Behind SmoothMyBalls

 

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Shopify Canada? I knew I shouldn’t have sniffed the maple syrup flavoured ball balm. But that’s just their server, that tells you nothing. Precisely, so let’s dig into the website records, shall we? The registrant contact should provide us with all we need:

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We’ve got an address, let’s check it out.

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Who on this forsaken planet would want to work next to the Toronto Carpet Factory in 96 Mowat Avenue Toronto, CA? Who, I ask you? But let me answer that question for you: A company called Tucows that apparently register and sell domains. They are legit – and we checked. They’re also on LinkedIn and have an actual website, so actual business, but… There’s always a but and they are notoriously harder to shave than balls:

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Not looking like the best of class in best practices, at least when it comes to choosing their clients. Tucows might just have high privacy standards and thus be the go to partner for scammers, or they are in on the scams. It’s hard to tell at this point. But here’s one other bit of information that leads straight back to Canada: The Male Grooming Kit aka Pube Katana 3.1alpha hasn’t exactly sold like hot cakes on Alibaba, only a few shipments ever went out and one of the largest ones went to:

 

Screenshot 2021-04-29 at 17.02.53.png

(a slightly larger one went to the Philippines, so I’d say both are likely candiates for Scam My Balls HQ, but I’d bet my money on Canada. Not my balls, I’m not insane. I like all three of them.) And that’s what we have so far. We’ll update the story as it unfolds. Do we know who’s behind SmoothMyBalls? Not yet. We don’t have a face and we don’t have a name. All we have is an Apple Watch, an arm, and a used Pube Muncher.

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But we’ll get there!

Signed,

 

your friendly neighbourhood gentleman thieves!

 

UPDATE 21/05/21:

Congratulations to everyone who overpayed to write a review for Smoothmyballs that they would otherwise have to pay copywriters for, you made it! And by it I mean you got published! On their website. You’re a published author now. 

26 reviews and counting…

 

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Still nowhere near the 75 reviews that don’t exist.

 

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But I love how they are doubling down. Real reviews from REAL customers. Screenshot 2021-05-12 at 18.13.37.png

Also, would you check out their URL ffs? They’ve literally put exposed (which is a pun, I get puns) and scam (!) in their URL, so people searching for smoothmyballs scam get to their review site. Pathetic.

 

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Sure, I mean they payed to review your product and you coerced them into your MLM. Other than that, real. For sure. All reviews go through judge.me and we’re looking into it. They are hard to find on there. 

Also, the price for the TURF CHOPPER has gone up yet again, which makes me wonder, if the page autocalculates the dollar price based on a nother currency. 

 

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UPDATE: 14/05/21

We must’ve really gotten under their (wrinkly ball) skin, because they keep adding “exposing scam” to all their descriptions to intercept traffic.

 

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Can’t say we’re not loving being their arch nemesis!

 

UPDATE: 13/05/21

Came across an incredibly similar company today. Called SmoothNuts

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Just to compare: They are legit, they have a company address and much fairer prices. So, if you really, really, really want one of the products from the SMB line-up, there are much better alternatives. 
Disclaimer: We’re not sponsored, and we’ve never used the product. But we can tell a real company from a fake one. 

 

UPDATE 20/05/21:

There’s now a review for one of the products that aren’t real. And I’m A-Z loving it. 

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Everything else is still stuck at the fake reviews from May 8th. There’s 19 for the trimmer.

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Even though the product page says there’s 79, they really missed a chance to make it 69. The inconsistent pricing is also brilliant.

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And just because this post is getting incredibly, unreadibly long: we made a follow up with the latest shenanigans SmoothMyBalls are up to. So, check it out, if you wanna know yet more!

With smooth regards,

 

S+O

Your ballsy bandits of nether region nudity

 

 

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunesStitcherSpotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

29 – The Bull of No Ball Street

__How Do I Rob This_XX_BASIC RED_iMac_REMOTE 29_Bull

Oo-De-Lally, motherinvestors! Your favourite theoretical heist podcast is back! Recently Robin Hood – the app not the legend – made hedge funds lose billions and Vlad the Impaler (CEO of Robin Hood – again, the app) quickly struck back and banned everyone from making hedge funds lose money by stocking shorts or shorting stocks. 

Meanwhile a long tweet ago in a galaxy far, far away Gina Carano got ousted from Disney from claiming that she not being cancelled for all her far right conspiracy theories and terrible takes is the real holocaust. But Disney granted her wish and finally let her go like a break away Frozen hit single. 

What does that have to do with a 3,200 kg bronze statue on Broadway? How does a silent carnivale art installation communicate that conservative voices are indeed being silenced? And what’s the average pace of a proud boy?

Listen to our two gentleman thieves and find out! 

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunesStitcherSpotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

28 – They Stole it From Us, Our Precious

__How Do I Rob This_28_RED LotR

A day may come when the courage of podcasting men fails, when the hour of the wolf draws nigh and we leave all market shares to far more popular podcasts, but it is not this day! This day, we record remotely!

In this brand new episode, our two gentleman of Numenor thieves return to their mics via remote recording and rob the real life Hobbiton and the not so real life Minas Tirith in a spectacular double coup, kicking a few doors down and stealing a Palantir (the seeing stone, not the shady surveillance company). 

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunesStitcherSpotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

24 – The Weight of the World

__How Do I Rob This_24_The Weight of the World

In this episode our two gentleman thieves prove that this is a comedy, not a science podcast.

How heavy is one kilogram? Well, it’s a kilogram, that seems to be the obvious answer, but there is a better answer hidden deep underneath the Pavillon de Breteuil. At least an answer that’s more fun to steal: The International Prototype of the Kilogram, the IPK, Le Grand K.

Hidden under three glass bells, in a vacuum, miraculously losing weight over time, in a vault behind three locks with three keys, held by three Frenchmen, this heist might carry some serious weight.

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

23 – …and the Smarties Have all the Answers!

__How Do I Rob This_23_BASIC RED_ROWLING SMARTIES

What would you do, if you had all the money, fame, and power in the world? Well, if you are world (now in-)famous author Just Kidding Rowling (or maybe it’s pronounced Rowling?) the answer is simple: Use your platform to be a transphobic TERF.

Our two gentlemen thieves of course can’t and won’t let that stand and will simply rob the Scottish Killiechassie mansion near Aberfeldy Distillery, a potential sponsor.

But what do smarties have to do with that heist? What’s the spell that freezes people in place? Who is the half blood prince, and was Voldemort unjustly vilified because he claimed trans women are women? Find out in this week’s episode of JK Rowling’s famous twitter account “I’ve always been woke and all my characters are gay, I just never mentioned it, because it would’ve taken time off my busy schedule ruining Edinburgh cafes”

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

22 – Vincere Est Vivere

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Lockdown can’t hold our two gentleman thieves down as they dive deep into the US’s colonial history and take care of one illustrious John Smith. Not the agent from the “Matrix”, the one from Disney’s “Pocahontas”. Except in real life.

Turns out, 17th century British captain and Virginia’s governour John Smith was a dick. Who would’ve thought? Four centuries later he’s a bronze statue, and statues are falling like leaves in autumn these days. Let’s use the momentum and get rid of a bloodsucking colonial with a few hundred thousand freshly bred bloodsuckers.

How? Listen, and find out! Also, this might be our last remote recording, so audio quality should be much better on the next episode. Thanks for bearing with us!

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

21 – Germany’s Got Robbed

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Our two gentleman thieves are still in lockdown, but somehow both managed to obtain microphones for this month’s episode. So fret not, audio quality is much better than last time, content quality as well.

Did you know that COVID-19 is a fake and also a government conspiracy to mind control non lizard people and distract from the fact that the moon is headed towards the earth where slave children labour away in the name of the Rothschild family to have their teeth removed for pianos? Well, if you didn’t, that just means you are sane.

Unlike German R’n’B singer Xavier Naidoo, who keeps going on his conspiracy rants. That has not only made the artist of South African/Indian/Irish/German descent a poster child for the far right, but also cost him his job on the jury of “Germany’s Got Talent”. Let’s see how he does without his famous sunglasses then, shall we?

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

 

20 – The 10,000 Year Clock Blockers

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Prison can’t keep two gentleman thieves back, lockdown can’t keep two gentleman thieves back, and neither can varying audio quality. Corona rules apply, so social distancing, no fancy suits, no first class flights.

Join us for episode 20 of our podcast as Oskar and Sebastian steal from the richest prick on Earth Jeffaniel Jeffrey Bezos and his Dr. Manhattan style 10,000 year clock plan near the Blue Horizon space port.

The man might not pay his fair share in taxes, but does he look like an egg with an ex-wife that has a stripper’s  name.

We dive deep into mountains, physics, and Bezos’ arch rival in all things space travel Elon “Elongated” Musk.

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

19 – Mile High Club

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No commander in chief is complete without two of them! That’s testicles and Air Force One and Air Force One II – Electric Boogaloo.

Just in time for the upcoming US election pitting one old white man against another, our gentleman thief Sebastian (not that old, white, man) and vixen of crime Judith will steal the president’s plane. How, why, and mostly how? Well, listen in as the two plan golf trips, gilly suits, and photo shoots.

Friend of the show Judith Shoemaker still fills in for Oskar this month, so send her lots of love on Instagram (@shoedith_jumaker) and follow her miscellaneous adventures and shenanigans.

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

18 – Forever and a Girl’s Best Friend

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A diamond might be forever, but it can still change hands.

On November 7th 2000 seven criminals attempted to steal the Millennium Star diamond with brute force and a speed boat and were caught before they could get a hand on the loot. On February 7th 2020 Judith and Sebastian will succeed where they failed. And also use a speed boat.

Stealing from shady individuals is what we do in the heist lounge and few corporations are as shady as De Beers, diamond dealers by day with only a few blood diamonds in the mix, and international conglomerate with flexible labour laws by night. They were also the inventors of the concept of the engagement ring in 1940s.

Unlike hosts, diamonds linger… Friend of the show Judith Shoemaker fills in for Oskar this month, so send her lots of love on Instagram (@shoedith_jumaker) and find out the story behind her handle in this episode. Sizzle.

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

17 – Paws for a Moment (with Erman Jones)

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Nothing is quite as fashionable as crime… perhaps the world’s most famous Birman cat Choupette. Now that her previous owner Karl Lagerfeld designs black suits in – optimistically – Limbo, she is left to her own devices and Lagerfeld’s millions.

Together with special guest Erman Jones our two gentleman thieves plan for a speedy getaway on the catwalk, designer perfumes, expensive suits (as always), and lots of catnip.

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

16 – Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Crime

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It’s time for our two gentleman thieves to don their sexy cat lady costumes and become true cat burglars. Andrew Lloyd Webber who blatantly stole writing credits from the 1981 cast of “Cats – the Musical” as they performed and improvised a play about jellicle (not a word, we checked) cats (very much a word) will now pay for his crimes along with everyone set out to ruin the careers of Idris Elba, Sir Ian McKellen, and James Cordon… Nevermind, Cordon and his carpool karaoke will be thrown under the bus.

So listen to our new episode in which we spend sixty minutes introducing ourselves in song and sending you to Heaviside as we steal every copy of “Cats – the Musical – the Film” and turn it into “Cats – the Musical – the Film – the Porn”.

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

15 – The Sitting Senator of Queensland (with Two in the Think Tank)

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In our 15th episode our two gentleman thieves go down under! Together with Alasdair and Andy from Two in the Think Tank we steal something very comfortable and very right wing.

Pauline Hanson from Australia’s One Nation Party has a seat in the Australian Senate in Canberra. For now. Attempting to unseat her and leave the woman standing right near the urethra of the Australian Phallic Chamber of the senate, we’ll have to use jet skis, newspaper ads, a giant golden coat of course, and Grig. Our very own character that is just original enough to not be a mock up Grug.

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Two in the Think Tank are on Twitter: @twointank

Listen to their podcast Two in the Think Tank or relax to Alasdair’s soothing voice on Shusher Guided Meditations – they also have a Patreon, so go and unsteal from them by giving them some of your moneys!

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

14 – Open Door Policy

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When God closes a window, he opens a door. Unless of course that door happens to be the world famous door of 10 Downing Street. Originally installed in the 1700s, the door serves the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom as an entrance to his/her office and a prestigious backdrop for interviews.

Unfortunately with Brexit approaching on October 31st, the door will fall into complete disarray. Enough reason for our two gentleman thieves to come up with an unhinged plan and open the door to opportunity. Boris Johnson won’t miss the door, after all. Most likely, he won’t even notice. What’s a door with a country on fire?

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

13 – Oil on Walnut

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Billionaires and famous paintings mix about as well as famous paintings and cereal – time for our illustrious crime endorsing duo to free the most expensive painting in the world – “Salvator Mundi” by Leonardo DaVinci (allegedly) – from its current owner.

The only problem is that the current owner is none other than Mohammed bin Salman and theft would be punishable by hands and heads on the chopping block. How will our two gentleman thieves solve this pickle? What can they learn from Ancient Greece? And how funny would it be, if Sebastian were to fall apart live on the air?

Find out in our episode with the lucky number 13!

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

12 – It’s All Downhill From Here (with Olivia Dean)

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In our twelfth night we can only thank the Academy for the Oscars we are about to steal. As our gentleman thieves Oskar Brown and Sebastian Weissbach and gentlewoman guest thief Olivia Dean embark on a journey to steal from Keyser Soze himself.

Kevin Spacey has won two Oscars (that’s roughly one per ten accusations of sexual misconduct) and we will take them back. How? The only way we know how to, rent a theatre, and put on a play. This mouse trap will make us some big money…

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

Our special guest and scream queen Olivia Dean is on instagram @oliviadean66, follow her for stories and whatever kids do on Instagram these days.

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

11 – Shun the Non-Believer!

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Unlike start up businesses, our two gentleman thieves solve actual problems with feasible solutions, and turn a profit while they’re at it.

This month, Bird will be crushed unter their wheels, a company run by notorious Bond villain Travis VanderZanden, now CEO and former Uber driver. But how can two honest thieves compete with the start up industry and disrupt the disrupter to rerupt the rupted? Find out!

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

10 – Job 70215 (with @linuspetit)

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This time, our two gentleman thieves and special guest @linuspetit go on a journey to fetch something so far fetched, most people had to leave earth to find it. A piece of the moon, loved by NASA, poets, and werewolves alike.

How will they go about obtaining a piece of unsuspecting mare basalt? Will this be the first heist in space? And how much does a piece of moon rock weigh on earth?

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

Our special guest @linuspetit is on Instagram and on Twitter

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotifyand YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

09 – The Heistback of Notre Dame (with Judith Shoemaker)

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It’s a bit of a topsy turvy day in the heist lounge as our two career crooks welcome actress, producer, and queen of crime Judith Shoemaker to go on a spiritual ans holy journey.

The crown of thorns has been saved from the fires that ravaged the cathedral of Notre Dame, only to be stored away from Jesus’ most devout followers? Unlikely. Turning water into wine and crime into improv comedy, the trio is hunched over their plans to share the glory of third class relics with the world and rejoice in the light of our own personal Jesus Mr. Cash.

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

Our special guest Judith Shoemaker is on instagram @shoedith_jumaker, follow her for all her acting shenanigans, say “hi”

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

08 – A Song of Heist and Fire

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All good things must come to an end and this heist has been eight seasons in the making! In a spectacular publicity stunt Oskar of House Brown, Warden of the South (of Africa) who only has a vague idea what a White Walker is and Sebastian Weissbach, first of his name, the unlearned, King of crime and stolen candy, mother of all dragon based media, and super fan of “Game of Thrones” will steal the ending to the book series “A Song of Ice and Fire” and thus season 8 of “Game of Thrones” from author George R. R. Martin himself.

Will they succeed? Can they give Jerry Ferrara’s career a push? Can they lift Robert’s mighty war hammer? Will they meet Spin Dunbar and finally avenge the fallen turtles? Only the grand finale will reveal all! #FortheThrone

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

07 – No Compromises!

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Some people deserve to be robbed and some people really, really deserve to be robbed. German gun manufacturer Heckler und Koch is one of the biggest arms manufacturers in the world. So what better way to take advantage of their shady deals than to employ four strong legs?

All our two gentleman thieves need is a little diplomatic help from the Aquatic Republic of Howdowirobi, a brand new bicycle, a little help from a dugong or two, and the smell of concrete in the morning.

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

06 – The Final Score (with Black Prez)

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It’s coming home to the two gentleman thieves and their special guest Black Prez as the three of them attempt to steal from the most vicious, corrupt, and downright evil organisation on the planet: FIFA!

The FIFA World Cup Trophy is the second of its kind and the only one that hasn’t been stolen. Yet.

Staging a heist more elegant than the two thefts of the Cup Jules Rimet, the trophy will finally be safe in the heist lounge. If not for a few pesky teenagers and their dumb dog named Pickles…

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

You can find our guest heist host and friend of the show Lie on Instagram @blackprez, on Twitter @blackprez, on Facebook Black Prez Music, or listen to his music on Spotify, and make his beats the very personal score for your scores.

05 – The Atlanta Apothecary

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The gentleman thieves are back for another sweet, sweet episode. This time they’re stealing the perhaps sweetest secret of all, a formula so well kept, that only Box 7X would be enough to contain their excitement: the Coca Cola secret formula was concocted by John Pemberton in the late 19th century and is absolutely legendary.

For safekeeping the formula is currently stored in a real vault within a fake vault in the World of Coca Cola Museum in Atlanta, Georgia. Will they succeed or will this job prove to be too sticky?

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

04 – Stockholm Captivity

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This “One Time” our two gentleman thieves will get the chance of a lifetime as they not only meet, but actually heist a celebrity. None other than Canada’s national treasure and hotty of the decade, that isn’t Justin Trudeau: Justin Bieber.

The singer is not only about to get married, he is unknowingly about to get kidnapped. Four weddings and a heist later, you will know how to effectively steal a groom and who our favourite Baldwin brother is… you might be surprised by the answer (it’s Alec).

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

03 – Pen and Paper (with Lie Chee)

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It’s go big or go home! In episode three, criminal masterminds Oskar Brown and Sebastian Weissbach welcome special guest star Lie Chee to the heist lounge and steal the Resolute Desk right from under the president’s nose.

The very desk where JFK played with his children, Bill Clinton cheated on his wife, and Donald Trump… let’s not think about it too much.

But it certainly makes for a good heist: security is tight, the desk is easily worth millions, and we even get to jump out of a cake*!

*not all of us.

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

You can find our guest heist host and friend of the show Lie on Instagram @lie_chee, on Twitter @lie_chee, on Facebook Lie Chee Cosplay, on Twitch as Fries and Cries or support her on Patreon.com/liechee, so she can finally give up her petty life of crime.

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

02 – Strippers and Free Döner

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Can you steal a döner kebab? Well, easily. Can you steal a kebab stand? The most famous kebab stand in all of Berlin and then resell it to someone’s sweet sixteen birthday party? Maybe you can’t, but our two gentleman thieves Oskar Brown and Sebastian Weissbach are sure going to try.

Mustafa’s Gemüse Döner at Mehringdamm is the target for this month’s episode and one that’ll involve feeding the homeless, scantily clad ladies, and an Airbus standard issue H135.

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

01 – The Swedish Job

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In the very first episode of the podcast, gentleman thieves Oskar Brown and Sebastian Matthias Weissbach plan the robbery of an IKEA furniture store.

Stakes are high with an estimated score of 300.000 Euros. How do they go about it, what are the ins and outs? And can they assemble their plan just in time to make for an elegant getaway or will they be turned into meat balls?

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!