Oo-De-Lally, motherinvestors! Your favourite theoretical heist podcast is back! Recently Robin Hood – the app not the legend – made hedge funds lose billions and Vlad the Impaler (CEO of Robin Hood – again, the app) quickly struck back and banned everyone from making hedge funds lose money by stocking shorts or shorting stocks.
Meanwhile a long tweet ago in a galaxy far, far away Gina Carano got ousted from Disney from claiming that she not being cancelled for all her far right conspiracy theories and terrible takes is the real holocaust. But Disney granted her wish and finally let her go like a break away Frozen hit single.
What does that have to do with a 3,200 kg bronze statue on Broadway? How does a silent carnivale art installation communicate that conservative voices are indeed being silenced? And what’s the average pace of a proud boy?
In this episode our two gentleman thieves prove that this is a comedy, not a science podcast.
How heavy is one kilogram? Well, it’s a kilogram, that seems to be the obvious answer, but there is a better answer hidden deep underneath the Pavillon de Breteuil. At least an answer that’s more fun to steal: The International Prototype of the Kilogram, the IPK, Le Grand K.
Hidden under three glass bells, in a vacuum, miraculously losing weight over time, in a vault behind three locks with three keys, held by three Frenchmen, this heist might carry some serious weight.
What would you do, if you had all the money, fame, and power in the world? Well, if you are world (now in-)famous author Just Kidding Rowling (or maybe it’s pronounced Rowling?) the answer is simple: Use your platform to be a transphobic TERF.
Our two gentlemen thieves of course can’t and won’t let that stand and will simply rob the Scottish Killiechassie mansion near Aberfeldy Distillery, a potential sponsor.
But what do smarties have to do with that heist? What’s the spell that freezes people in place? Who is the half blood prince, and was Voldemort unjustly vilified because he claimed trans women are women? Find out in this week’s episode of JK Rowling’s famous twitter account “I’ve always been woke and all my characters are gay, I just never mentioned it, because it would’ve taken time off my busy schedule ruining Edinburgh cafes”
Lockdown can’t hold our two gentleman thieves down as they dive deep into the US’s colonial history and take care of one illustrious John Smith. Not the agent from the “Matrix”, the one from Disney’s “Pocahontas”. Except in real life.
Turns out, 17th century British captain and Virginia’s governour John Smith was a dick. Who would’ve thought? Four centuries later he’s a bronze statue, and statues are falling like leaves in autumn these days. Let’s use the momentum and get rid of a bloodsucking colonial with a few hundred thousand freshly bred bloodsuckers.
How? Listen, and find out! Also, this might be our last remote recording, so audio quality should be much better on the next episode. Thanks for bearing with us!
Prison can’t keep two gentleman thieves back, lockdown can’t keep two gentleman thieves back, and neither can varying audio quality. Corona rules apply, so social distancing, no fancy suits, no first class flights.
Join us for episode 20 of our podcast as Oskar and Sebastian steal from the richest prick on Earth Jeffaniel Jeffrey Bezos and his Dr. Manhattan style 10,000 year clock plan near the Blue Horizon space port.
The man might not pay his fair share in taxes, but does he look like an egg with an ex-wife that has a stripper’s name.
We dive deep into mountains, physics, and Bezos’ arch rival in all things space travel Elon “Elongated” Musk.
A diamond might be forever, but it can still change hands.
On November 7th 2000 seven criminals attempted to steal the Millennium Star diamond with brute force and a speed boat and were caught before they could get a hand on the loot. On February 7th 2020 Judith and Sebastian will succeed where they failed. And also use a speed boat.
Stealing from shady individuals is what we do in the heist lounge and few corporations are as shady as De Beers, diamond dealers by day with only a few blood diamonds in the mix, and international conglomerate with flexible labour laws by night. They were also the inventors of the concept of the engagement ring in 1940s.
Unlike hosts, diamonds linger… Friend of the show Judith Shoemaker fills in for Oskar this month, so send her lots of love on Instagram (@shoedith_jumaker) and find out the story behind her handle in this episode. Sizzle.
Nothing is quite as fashionable as crime… perhaps the world’s most famous Birman cat Choupette. Now that her previous owner Karl Lagerfeld designs black suits in – optimistically – Limbo, she is left to her own devices and Lagerfeld’s millions.
Together with special guest Erman Jones our two gentleman thieves plan for a speedy getaway on the catwalk, designer perfumes, expensive suits (as always), and lots of catnip.
It’s time for our two gentleman thieves to don their sexy cat lady costumes and become true cat burglars. Andrew Lloyd Webber who blatantly stole writing credits from the 1981 cast of “Cats – the Musical” as they performed and improvised a play about jellicle (not a word, we checked) cats (very much a word) will now pay for his crimes along with everyone set out to ruin the careers of Idris Elba, Sir Ian McKellen, and James Cordon… Nevermind, Cordon and his carpool karaoke will be thrown under the bus.
So listen to our new episode in which we spend sixty minutes introducing ourselves in song and sending you to Heaviside as we steal every copy of “Cats – the Musical – the Film” and turn it into “Cats – the Musical – the Film – the Porn”.
In our 15th episode our two gentleman thieves go down under! Together with Alasdair and Andy from Two in the Think Tank we steal something very comfortable and very right wing.
Pauline Hanson from Australia’s One Nation Party has a seat in the Australian Senate in Canberra. For now. Attempting to unseat her and leave the woman standing right near the urethra of the Australian Phallic Chamber of the senate, we’ll have to use jet skis, newspaper ads, a giant golden coat of course, and Grig. Our very own character that is just original enough to not be a mock up Grug.
When God closes a window, he opens a door. Unless of course that door happens to be the world famous door of 10 Downing Street. Originally installed in the 1700s, the door serves the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom as an entrance to his/her office and a prestigious backdrop for interviews.
Unfortunately with Brexit approaching on October 31st, the door will fall into complete disarray. Enough reason for our two gentleman thieves to come up with an unhinged plan and open the door to opportunity. Boris Johnson won’t miss the door, after all. Most likely, he won’t even notice. What’s a door with a country on fire?
Billionaires and famous paintings mix about as well as famous paintings and cereal – time for our illustrious crime endorsing duo to free the most expensive painting in the world – “Salvator Mundi” by Leonardo DaVinci (allegedly) – from its current owner.
The only problem is that the current owner is none other than Mohammed bin Salman and theft would be punishable by hands and heads on the chopping block. How will our two gentleman thieves solve this pickle? What can they learn from Ancient Greece? And how funny would it be, if Sebastian were to fall apart live on the air?