Smooth My Balls Exposed (Again) – Follow Up from the SEO-Wars

It is the day of our Lord (Buckethead) May 30th, 2021. And we find ourselves at war. Why? Why the fuck not. So, here’s an update from our “friends” at smoothmyballs. I’m really happy to say, we’ve made it, we are their archnemeses now. We are the one pube between testicles and arsehole even their trimmer cannot remove.

If you’re new to the whole situation and just wanna know what the fuck is going on, here’s some recommended reading:

We have a whole podcast episode dedicated to Smooth My Balls. Click the link or find How Do I Rob This? whereever you listen to podcasts and listen to episode #31. That’s number 31, not hashtag 31.

You can also read more about Smooth My Balls here: Previously on Smooth My Balls vs. How Do I Rob This?

So, without further ado, let’s dive right in, shall we?

Smoothmyballs on Instagram – Bots, Followers, and “Brand Ambassadors”

 

First things first: For a “brand” that has gathered 470k followers within a few weeks and only 12 posts, they had surprisingly little growth in the past month. And they even have three new posts. But, who are we to judge with our modest following over at @howdoirobthis on all socials *wink*

 

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Let’s take a closer look at one of their new posts:

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This is something that has always been the case, they just didn’t want it to go really public. But technically even last month, you could’ve simply gotten your affiliate code without going through the hassle of ordering their 70$ test kit.

But it’s not shared to over 400k people, it’s over 400k bots. But these AIs are getting better, so we probably shouldn’t be judgy. Sooner or later some of them will pass the Turing test and shave your balls or labia so smooth, you’ll see your own reflection in them.

Update JUNE 1st:

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They’ve actually lost followers and are now on 469k. Did people unfollow? Did their bots get reported, did they expire, are they preparing the robo apocalypse?

Smoothmyballs is Planting Trees, Because of Course They Are

 

But there’s more, they are now like every other dumb start up on this dying planet:

 

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They’re even planting trees now, are we all of a sudden anti-planet? Here’s the thing: If you buy their products at regular retail prices or buy from cheaper (and potentially better) competitors, even major brands like Philips or Manscaped or smaller brands like SmoothNutz or whatever no-name brand name you can find on Amazon, you’ll save money.

And that’s money you won’t feed those grifters. Money that you can then in turn use to plant trees yourselves. With https://onetreeplanted.org e.g. or any other charity, because – fun fact – companies don’t use these charities out of the goodness of their balls.

They are deductibles. So for every cheaply manufactured Chinese trimmer you buy via Smoothmyballs.com, they then get a tax deductible. If you however donate the money directly, YOU get the deductible. Win-Fucking-Win-Situation.

You find flexible tree donations right here (we’re not sponsored, but it’s the same charity SMB collaborates with): https://onetreeplanted.org/products/plant-trees?variant=31367539589182

Oh, and we checked.

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Because of course we checked. Initially we found it a bit suspicious that they didn’t tage OnePlantedTree, but at least their collaboration seems legit-ish.

 

Content Marketing and Warfare Below the Waistline

 

They’ve also stepped up their content marketing game, they really want to win out over us via search engine optimisation.

So, how does this work? If you type “smooth my balls” into google, you’ll find their site and a few reviews, videos, etc. Scroll a bit and you’ll find our podcast and a few scam alerts, but they have to bank on most people not scrolling that far.

But what if you do get suspicious and you want to know, if they are a scam? So you type something like “Smoothmyballs scam” into google, which they know, right? So, they are trying to position the word “scam” wherever they can in their content marketing.

It’s in their URLs:

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In their YouTube channel description:

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And now even in blogs that review their products:

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You can find this absolute banger on a website called geeksaroundglobe.com – it’s one of those websites with loads of clickbait, fringe right wing content your boomer uncle shares on WhatsApp, and purchased blog entries to optimise google content searches.

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This was cleary paid for content, probably done by a freelance copywriter on a crowdworking platform. Their 3D product mock up of the trimmer comes from a similar crowdworking platform, artstation.com

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Tracing the Untraceable: Who Are Luke durghouse and SmoothMyBalls Trimmer?

 

But here’s something new,  a contact and a company address. Let’s check who (or what)’s behind Luke durghouse.

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hmm… suspicious. Then again, that’s Ecosia, cause we’re so in love with planting fucking trees. Let’s see how the big G handles it:

 

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similarly just 1 result. Okay, but maybe there’s something at their company address to found, yeah? Let’s see who’s squatting at *checks notes* 8 ballhouse road, UK

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Okay, so the road is fake. On brand, but fake. There’s a few more content marketing attempts, all by one Mr. Smoothmyballs Trimmer. He must be busy as a b(all).

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He’s even taken the time to write a review about his own — well, purchased in China — product!

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SmoothMyBalls Trimmer, if that’s his real name, also has a profile on LinkedIn competitor XING. Under this name, I shit thee nay:

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Are SmoothMyBalls Located in India not Canada?

 

Did we screw up? Are Smoothmyballs located in India, after all? Chances are good, one of their videos on vimeo is narrated by a speaker with a strong accent… Even though it sounds like it’s narrated by Tommy Wiseau.

https://vimeo.com/user130751613

For comparison, here’s the cheap Morgan Freeman:

 

Now these two geniuses here who ordered the Turf Chopper 3.0 test kit for 70$ (again 8$ product) talk about the one negative and that’s the shipping time, perhaps indicating a delivery from India. Could still be that SmoothMyBalls are shipping from Canada and simply had to order new product from China. It’s hard to tell, but we’ll stay on it. 

 

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Mr SmoothMyBalls Trimmer – Brand Loyalty

 

But that’s all that XING would spit out, no further information on SmoothMyBalls Trimmer. If that’s his real name. Gotta commend him for his loyalty though, he’s been toiling away at SmoothMyBalls for more than 20 years now. Even though the company didn’t exist till November 2020. Marvellous.

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They’re also on TheDots, which looks like yet another LinkedIn. It’s fine, we’ve already got LinkedIn and that’s bad enough, isn’t it?

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There’s more fun content like this post on phenomenal. Which… cool. Most of the products don’t exist, but cool.

 

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They’re also on Reddit now, where we regularly harrass them.

 

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SmoothMyBalls on Twitter 

 

And stepped up their twitter game also with more than 400 followers now.

 

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The usual suspects though:

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So, mostly bots and podcasters that didn’t do their research properly. We’ll try and mess with them as much as possible on Twitter and maybe Instagram in the future, so if you see comments from us. A like or heart is much appreciated to boost our reach and ball punch them out of the water.

For the moment we’ve given up on reaching out to their brand ambassadors and affiliates, simply because they – for the most part – aren’t helpful. Either unwilling to talk or in denial about having been scammed out of too much money for cheaply manufactured products.

But we’re still open for input, if you have worked with them! Just get in touch.

 

Why Do We Bother with SmoothMyBalls at All? 

 

And that’s it for now. But you, dear reader, if you are still following this wild tantrum might be asking yourselves, why? Why, why, why go to all these lengths to get on the balls of an instagram scam only the dumb, the gullible, the self important fall for? Why on Gaia’s green earth?

Maybe it’s even you, Nick, reading this. Or Tom. Or SmoothMyBalls Trimmer or whoever you pretend to be today and maybe you’re wondering why two gentleman thieves on the far side of the world are giving you guys such a hard time.

Because we can. Because we don’t like scams, grifters or multilevel marketing schemes. Because they’re giving criminals the world over a bad name. And mostly (!) because they got in touch with us and they tried to mess with us. And honeys of Smooth My Balls! You don’t play a player!

 

With the ballsiest regards,

S+O

 

your champions and cojones of justice

 

Update – The Return of the Bot Network

June 10th and this is where we’re at: We were wondering, if maybe Smoothmyballs have changed their targeting practices. We were actually fairly certain they hadn’t, because our site is still getting a lot of hits, mostly from google traffic. So obviosly people are searching for smoothmyballs, but what is science without evidence? 

So we actually thought about reaching out and checking, if people were still being targeted by the bots on Instagram. Low and behold:

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Same message, same targeting practice. 0 followers, 0 following, 0 posts, good stuff. 

 

 

 

 

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunesStitcherSpotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!

Smooth My Balls – Uncovering a Scam

Research and Resources

__How Do I Rob This_30_Smooth My Balls Brand_LOGO

You can listen to episode 31 of our podcast on pretty much all platforms, if you want to find out more about @Smoothmyballs, their “company”, their MO, and their affiliate model. In the meantime, we can also provide you with some evidence to uncover why we come to the conclusion that Smooth My Balls is a scam, and how you could identify them and other similarly dodgy business models.

 

SmoothMyBalls Messages on Instagram – Is This a Scam?

 

On April 25th we received the following message:

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I didn’t look into the account at this point and thought it was just some generic affiliate rubbish. Promote a product you’ve never tested, offer a code, etc. –  fine, whatever. But the brand sounds funny, we love things that sound funny. So why not hit them up. I sent them a message and this was the reply I got:

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I merely skimmed it and only later clicked on the link to find out… well, it’s not actually free, is it? We’d have to purchase the discounted kit first. And paying anything to be part of a programme… well, that’s multi level marketing scheme material right there. Don’t worry, if you’ve received the same or a very similar message. We’ve checked and double-checked and triple-checked. There’s no Dana, only copy-paste. So, why bother? Why engage with them, at all? Because we steal from people that deserve to be stolen from. Everything looks professional enough… at first glance, so let’s start with their socials. 12 posts on Instagram and… 470k followers? Whoa! Big brand right there.

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Let’s check their facebook and twitter next:

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Those numbers aren’t quite as impressive, but I guess SmoothMyBalls didn’t have the money to buy bots across platforms. Their twitter even uses their old logo. Alas, bots these days… Interestingly, they only liked one tweet:

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Good stuff. Seems that Smooth My Balls really focuses on the far right testicle. But people have brand ambassadored for them, right? And they’re waving around a product. The Turf Chopper 3.0 – wait, that also sounds familiar…

 

SmoothMyBalls – Looking Like a Proper Brand with Alibaba Products

 

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But that’s not fair! There’s only so many ball-lawn-jokes one can make. Granted, so let’s take a look at what they’re sending out and asking podcasters to pay for in return for a “free” review kit:

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*the price went up since last I checked. It used to be in line with Manscaped. But okay, fine. This is supposedly the best product on the market, that you can get nowhere else in the world, right? Let’s do some product research and…

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Hey, this looks familiar! And it’s much cheaper.

Sidenote: no disrespect for the product, but if you want it, buy it from Guangzhou Aimei Intelligent Technology directly. You can order just one for only 8 USD, that’s more than 90% discount and you don’t even have to worry about a discount code.

Funny story: Alibaba also let’s you see where companies ship their goods to. This’ll be important later. Screenshot 2021-04-29 at 16.47.39.png

The SmoothMyBalls Male Grooming Kit – Generic Products Rebranded

 

But surely their other products are legit, right? We have the 25 USD HEDGE CLIPPERS

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aka a 7pcs manicure set you can get on Amazon:

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They even ship them in different colours! Red looks much better tbh. But what about the PUBE MUNCHER?

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Incredible deal at only 55 USD, you’d normally have to pay 18.99 EUR for the same product without the Feed Me Pubes-sticker. Which some call a bonus.

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They’re even cheaper in blue. The resemblance is uncanny… that must be some pricy sticker…

 

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Other SmoothMyBalls Products – Suspiciously Sold Out

 

None of their other products exist. They’re 3D mock ups only. So no ball balm for you!

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UPDATE: I wanna talk about one other product that doesn’t exist, the SACKMAT. Which is a yoga mat with a misaligned print. So, good stuff.

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All those products are always suspiciously SOLD OUT, so fair to assume there never even was a Ball Freshener! Even the scammer’s dog is ashamed:

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Alright, fine. They’re overcharging and they’re asking podcasters to review their products. They even give away a PS5 in a giveaway that has no terms and conditions via a website that has no company address and was set up via shopify. 

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Targeting the SmoothMyBalls Scam Where It Hurts (the Balls)

 

But that’s it, right? We’ve dismantled them, shown they’re a scam, this is surely where we stop. Right? They sent us a friendly reminder that they can’t keep the ReservedKit021 that leads to a generic affiliate site (https://www.smoothmyballs.com/pages/review) reserved for much longer… the pressure was on!

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Naturally I tried to get them on the show. It looked promising for a while.

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That’s where my love affair with “Nick” ended. Poor Nick, I’ll miss you and there’s always a special place for you in my balls. Nothing to do but browse their website, I guess…

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A Closer Look at SmoothMyBalls “Real” Reviews from “Real” Customers

 

Okay, typically for scammers: everything looks good at first glance, but take a closer look and the peices fall apart. I mean peaces. Pisces! PIECES! But they’ve had real customers like:

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Tom Mulligian! Who purchased the SMB products before their website went live.

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If only all of us had this much foresight in our crown jewels. Let’s get in touch with @ItsMuli123

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Oh no! The wild west cowboy shaved his balls so hard, he trimmed himself out of existence. Same story with these other geniuses. Also, I’m fairly certain the fake surname is Mulligan, not Mulligian or Mullgian. Please respect their centuries old fake family history.

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Comparing the Turf Chopper 3.0 to the Alibaba Male Grooming Trimmer – They Didn’t Even Change the Packaging

 

Let’s give their product a closer look on Alibaba:

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and compare it to an instagram post:

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They didn’t even change the packaging and their logo only appears to be on the mock up. Good stuff. Who in their right mind would host this website?

 

Investigating the Hosts and Registrars Behind SmoothMyBalls

 

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Shopify Canada? I knew I shouldn’t have sniffed the maple syrup flavoured ball balm. But that’s just their server, that tells you nothing. Precisely, so let’s dig into the website records, shall we? The registrant contact should provide us with all we need:

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We’ve got an address, let’s check it out.

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Who on this forsaken planet would want to work next to the Toronto Carpet Factory in 96 Mowat Avenue Toronto, CA? Who, I ask you? But let me answer that question for you: A company called Tucows that apparently register and sell domains. They are legit – and we checked. They’re also on LinkedIn and have an actual website, so actual business, but… There’s always a but and they are notoriously harder to shave than balls:

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Not looking like the best of class in best practices, at least when it comes to choosing their clients. Tucows might just have high privacy standards and thus be the go to partner for scammers, or they are in on the scams. It’s hard to tell at this point. But here’s one other bit of information that leads straight back to Canada: The Male Grooming Kit aka Pube Katana 3.1alpha hasn’t exactly sold like hot cakes on Alibaba, only a few shipments ever went out and one of the largest ones went to:

 

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(a slightly larger one went to the Philippines, so I’d say both are likely candiates for Scam My Balls HQ, but I’d bet my money on Canada. Not my balls, I’m not insane. I like all three of them.) And that’s what we have so far. We’ll update the story as it unfolds. Do we know who’s behind SmoothMyBalls? Not yet. We don’t have a face and we don’t have a name. All we have is an Apple Watch, an arm, and a used Pube Muncher.

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But we’ll get there!

Signed,

 

your friendly neighbourhood gentleman thieves!

 

UPDATE 21/05/21:

Congratulations to everyone who overpayed to write a review for Smoothmyballs that they would otherwise have to pay copywriters for, you made it! And by it I mean you got published! On their website. You’re a published author now. 

26 reviews and counting…

 

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Still nowhere near the 75 reviews that don’t exist.

 

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But I love how they are doubling down. Real reviews from REAL customers. Screenshot 2021-05-12 at 18.13.37.png

Also, would you check out their URL ffs? They’ve literally put exposed (which is a pun, I get puns) and scam (!) in their URL, so people searching for smoothmyballs scam get to their review site. Pathetic.

 

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Sure, I mean they payed to review your product and you coerced them into your MLM. Other than that, real. For sure. All reviews go through judge.me and we’re looking into it. They are hard to find on there. 

Also, the price for the TURF CHOPPER has gone up yet again, which makes me wonder, if the page autocalculates the dollar price based on a nother currency. 

 

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UPDATE: 14/05/21

We must’ve really gotten under their (wrinkly ball) skin, because they keep adding “exposing scam” to all their descriptions to intercept traffic.

 

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Can’t say we’re not loving being their arch nemesis!

 

UPDATE: 13/05/21

Came across an incredibly similar company today. Called SmoothNuts

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Just to compare: They are legit, they have a company address and much fairer prices. So, if you really, really, really want one of the products from the SMB line-up, there are much better alternatives. 
Disclaimer: We’re not sponsored, and we’ve never used the product. But we can tell a real company from a fake one. 

 

UPDATE 20/05/21:

There’s now a review for one of the products that aren’t real. And I’m A-Z loving it. 

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Everything else is still stuck at the fake reviews from May 8th. There’s 19 for the trimmer.

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Even though the product page says there’s 79, they really missed a chance to make it 69. The inconsistent pricing is also brilliant.

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And just because this post is getting incredibly, unreadibly long: we made a follow up with the latest shenanigans SmoothMyBalls are up to. So, check it out, if you wanna know yet more!

With smooth regards,

 

S+O

Your ballsy bandits of nether region nudity

 

 

You can reach How Do I Rob This on Twitter: @HowDoIRobThis

Or find out more about our heist plans on Instagram: @HowDoIRobThis

Or follow our two mastermind criminals @theoskarbrown and @smweissbach

New episodes on the 7th of every month. You can find us on iTunesStitcherSpotify, and YouTube – and please feel free to leave us a sweet, sweet review!